i.u.us

2005-11-02T14:15:00.000+08:00

02 november; 2005.

i know, my visit's long overdueee. i'm sorry, but uhhh, i'm getting quite a bit freaked out by the impending exams. i feel like i'm picking my own brains apart just to understand and re-learn everything i learnt over the past 2 years.

and what kinda stupid media company is that la. nvm, now you have more time to blog!! (okay my apologies for how bimbotic and ridiculous i sound; this is the cost of production - of revision. HAHAHAH. okay not funny. i knowwww.)

don't worry about the cold calls la. i know i'd be a difficult customer to call like that, i'd probably hang up on you before you got beyond the basic introduction. HAHAH well i'm just glad you don't have the makings of an annoying saleswomannn. teehee!

and i love the little guy floating around on your post la!! where did you get it, how do you do it??? (tech-idiot asking the tech-expert here. HAHAHAHA.)

-squeee back! (LOL.) we need a phone date soon. WHEN'RE YOU FREEEEEE??? (who cares about the a's, for an hour i think i can talk to my best friend.)

if you have read this far, pretend you didn't see the last sentence okay. ;)

aren't they cute??? i have no idea who they are, but i want kids this cute in future! -gushes. :)))

and now, it is time. to hit the (insert any word implying annoyance of the most extreme kind) books.

love you dannn. :)

GEEZ!

2005-11-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

holla, lizz, you are probably indefinintely going to taupok me because i havent been blogging in this blog, which seems to be doing fine since i see a coupla new posts. --squeeeee >D

aaanyway.

i got fired [sorta] from the media company because they said i couldnt commit and wasnt willing to make cold calls. basket full of kantangs! o_0 im a real chicken when it comes to making cold calls, sue me. *sniffs rejectedly

so now i am still working at ben+jerry's at united square, WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO VISIT ME, because you know, as a best friend your arrival has been long overdue ;_;

laaa, school will be starting in approx 5 days and i have no timetable yet! neither do i know what class i am in next semester! kudos to the planning team, what wonderful efficiency!

lizz, havent been able to contact you for some time now, ah pish.

dan <3

i need a haircut badly.

2005-10-21T21:25:00.000+08:00

21 october; 2005.

for once in my life - vonda shepard

for once in my life i've someone who needs me
someone i've needed so long
for once unafraid I can go where life leads me
and somehow i know i'll be strong

for once i can touch what my heart used to dream of
long before i knew
someone warm like you
would make my dreams come true

for once in my life i won't let sorrow hurt me
not like it's hurt me before
for once i've something i know won't desert me
and i'm not alone anymore

for once i can say: "this is mine you can't take it"
as long as i know i've got love i can make it
for once in my life i've got someone who needs me

love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. -Kay Knudsen

so this is where we are now. i still don't see what you see in me, but i'm glad you see whatever it is; because of that something, i'm more complete than before.

:)))

2005-10-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

18 october; 2005.

here for you --firehouse

so you think you've got it all figured out
well you know you can't make it alone
everybody needs somebody to help them out
and you know i could be that someone
and if you ever get lost on life's highway
don't know where to go
there's just one thing that i want you to know

i am here for you, always here for you
when you need a shoulder to cry on
someone to rely on, i am here for you

so you think that love is long overdue
tired of looking for someone to care
let me tell you know the choice is up to you
but you know i will always be there

- lois lane didn't fall in love with superman. she fell in love with clark kent.

2005-10-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

17 october; 2005.

that this world is screwed up is an understatement.

we now know that only losers would engage in a war for which there would never be any winner.

we now know that history will only repeat itself because mankind cannot be bothered to change so someone else's father need not die.

we now know that no matter whether you choose to believe in democracy or communism, nothing may change for you; financial status or otherwise.

we now know that historians are the people who spend their lives collecting and compiling research that wouldn't change a thing because no one cares enough.

we now know, is a book by john lewis gaddis. and is what i just spent a hour reading.

you say knowing the past is the key to the future. as far as i'm concerned, we're still stuck outside the ~~stupid~~ door to our future.

and in case you've been wondering, i'm much better. what happens this friday may prove me wrong, but i'm better.

2005-10-13T19:09:00.000+08:00

13 october; 2005.

i wish i could just give up on you, on this, on us. but i can't. i sat on the bus and willed myself to say you're not worth the heartache and it doesn't matter. when we got off, i still couldn't find a reason to give up.

i ought to be angry with you. everyone else says so. i can't do that either. the irrationality of this is draining. i exhaust every possible explanation and overanalyse every alternative situation, and yet i always arrive at the same conclusion.

it might not even be because of you i feel this way. in a strange, equally inexplicable way, i think it might be because of God.

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

- 1 corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

so i cried today.
i didn't cry because i'm leaving sa;
i cried at the thought i might be walking out of sa,
without you.

2005-10-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

12 october; 2005.

i'm sorry. for taking this so seriously. for making you cry. i'm really really sorry. i guess this is what people call the rough patch. i don't know what will happen a week from now. but it's a strange sense of peace i have about whatever decision you make cos i know it's in His hands. i think i'm more sure now about how i feel, about you. about us.

i'm not saying this to pressure you. i know you need time, and i know that above how i feel, i want us to both choose what He wants, cos i know above everything else, He truly knows what's best, for us both.

i love you. if not in the romantic sense, i know i love you even more dearly as a friend, and as a brother in Him. and i guess this is where what Thoreau said is true: there is no remedy for love but to love more.

whatever happens, please don't forget that's how i feel.

and i can't believe i announced that so openly. oh well.

:)))

2005-10-09T07:10:00.000+08:00

09 october; 2005.

i maintain that i never planned, never wanted this to happen. and now this is happening, why am i not angry with you? i swear, i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve like i've never done before. and now i feel like i walked into a brick wall, heart and all.

you know that feeling when you feel like laughing and crying? that scary "shoot i must be schizo" feeling? well i've actually fulfilled that feeling a few times over the weekend.

i don't think it's anyone's fault. and i don't want to be selfish about this, but please don't treat this like multiple-choice.

i suppose, as geri richard put it so, profoundly, "i just don't understand life sometimes."

2005-10-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

08 october; 2005.

my stomach flipped. i didn't eat in the end. and i want to believe we could make this work.

unless you've already given up.

2005-10-08T10:05:00.000+08:00

i hate the feeling of not being in control. and why is it every single freaking time you turn up i have to feel that way. sheesh.

i think, like i told jonas, i'm really dishevelled inside.

what an awful feeling.

and now; back to the great distractor (i hope), of studying.

2005-10-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

01 october; 2005.

hello world. the eternal pessimist has arrived. dan, you need to update this blog!

i don't think anyone reads this anymore. hurhur.

anyway, in case you did read the previous entry and are thus utterly offended by the lack of recognition i have given you, please note the word "think".

i'm no longer as pessimistic about my results now. either i don't care (which is frightening) or i'm attempting to be determined not to fail again (which is heartening, though doubtful, to some degree).

i did, however, have a really good laugh over gerald durrell and "birds, beasts and relatives". he's good! i mean, HE'S GOOD!

i don't know why, but at this particular point i'm suddenly reading much more. gerald durrell is easy stuff, but within two days is. hrmm! perhaps this is my form of distraction. in which case i should be frightened, on the double, i might add.

i had wanted to type something but my brain gave way a minute ago and i'm trying to collect the little particles before reassembling it. excuse me if in the mean time i sound garbled and slightly insane.

oasfyieyrhdovhdihfklytikhdkfhKSYDOTSNKLCVKDFLHD KADYFIRNFIGDVJBD. OWUIEOPKXJSOYSKJLAHD!

-did i fool you??

bother. i was trying. i do remember what i wanted to say.

life's like a rollercoaster. and i just hit a bad turning.

oh sorry. pessimism strikes again. at any rate, i'm getting tired of being happy happy when there's nothing to really be happy about.

i ought to shoot myself for that blatant lie.

speaking of ought to-s, i ought to be preparing for tomorrow's lesson. isaiah 13-27 is no joke, i tell you. immensely disturbing, and in some places, repetitively monotonous, it works at stirring up some frustration and yes, some fear.

perhaps it's just me, then.

i also wanted to say that it is possible for two people to be polar opposites and still love each other. take dan and me for instance. ok. uhh. let's think of a better example, shall we. take magnets. you know the cliché. opposites attract. and it's true. so in case you're wondering about making that move because he or she (ok, she.) is very different from you, perhaps you should just uhh.. make it! besides, it takes two hands to clap.

excuse the rambling. (recites the excuse involving the brain distintegration.)

and now, isaiah calls. this fella was, and still is, very persistent.

<3 <3!

2005-09-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

29 september; 2005.

if you think your grades for prelims are bad, please don't come to me and ask me what i got. i hate talking to people who are doing better than me. not because i hate them, but because i hate the fact that at this point i'm still failing. and its not just that. it's the feeling i'm losing it. "it" refers to my sanity, my dignity, my strength, and in some ways more frighteningly than all that, myself.

i deproved for lit. and it's not a "it's alright you can do it in the end" kinda thing. i don't need those kind of comments, they only serve to emphasise i can't do it now. i won't deny i'm a perfectionist who does very little to perfect things.

and it's that character trait about myself i hate the most.

this is about as honest as i will get. i hate this entry because the truth be told (HAH!) i'm not even really being honest here.

right now, i don't need the kind of encouragement you can find in motivational books that apply to the author and hardly ever to yourself. i don't even want people to come up to me and declare with false assurance "i know you can do it lizz! it's not the end of the world! blahh blahhh blahhh"

what i need most now, is really just a hug.

oh. and a good, long, cry.

2005-09-20T21:15:00.000+08:00

20 september; 2005.

okay time to introduce my friends to dan.

alright!

jonas is a... very tall schoolmate. who bullies me! (but will deny it, of course!)

gabby is a friend i met through life concert. i dunno how we became friends, he might be better at explaining it than i am.

geri is probably the best friend i have in sa; plus HER best friend's in poly too. SO WE CAN BE JEALOUS OF THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER!!

kel is another classmate who likes calling me rude names. ;)))

atalia is a good good friend who's in j1. and she's very nice to me, on the whole. HAHAHA!

morr = marissa, and likes referring to me as HRH for reasons i shall keep secret. although you can prolly guess.

so that's it! if anyone else comes along, i'll introduce them then.

oh and dan,
LOVE YA!

2005-09-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

so the prelims are over. and i'm feeling happy now. not because they're over. but because i'm talking to you!

(that's a general reference to geri, jon, and several others.)

and i miss dan.

you know, i think it might be possible to fall in love without realising it after all!

2005-09-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

10 september; 2005.

studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy.

i hate my life. right now.

well uh.

2005-09-10T19:29:00.000+08:00

10 september; 2005.

my exam has ended, and urm, it was that kind of exam where you go in there, sit in the freezing room, stare at teh questions, pick at your nails, sniff and look around and finally when there's really nothing else to do, pick up the pen and start writing down non comprehendable answers.

oh boy. -_- it sure means im going to have to take the sub paper. --headbangs.

lizzie can you please introduce your friends to me? because frankly im looking at all these comments on the tagboard and going - i have no freakin idea what they're talking about and who they are.

also i already got my phone fixed, well, i had to get a new phone! bless the world for small godsends.

dan \(^-^)/

2005-09-09T20:42:00.000+08:00

09 september; 2005.

fragmented life says:
have 3 things to learn before i start

love's like chocolate. says:
which are?

fragmented life says:
how to give a girl joy

fragmented life says:
how to respect her

fragmented life says:
and how to be unselfish

love's like chocolate. says:
wow.

yes. WOW. andrew's gonna learn all those things before he gets a girlfriend. and all i can say is really; wow.

guys; learn from him.

hurhur.

2005-09-08T09:33:00.000+08:00

08 september; 2005.

i just had to put this up. there was something about it that made me want to cry.

there was actually a caption that read "no matter what; i won't let you go."

and i think we all need someone to say that to us once in a while, don't you?

strangely, now bsb's "i just want you to know" is playing in my head.

:)

p.s: i don't like anime or bsb. i just happened to be struck by both those things.

2005-09-08T09:19:00.000+08:00

i was just looking at our template and wondering if it's too childish. then i figured, hey. it's dan and lizz. -shrugg.

i think that says it all.

i should stop blogging. but it's only when i'm blogging that i actually feel; myself. y'know, when you're getting stressed and caught up in everything else (including, and possibly especially; studying), that you want an outlet.

another rationalisation for something that cannot truly be rationalised.

i don't like these pointless rambles. i want to make sense.
today.

2005-09-07T20:17:00.000+08:00

07 september; 2005.

i just had to say how i hate how disconnected he and i have become. like; we can no longer talk the way we used to. and maybe it's just me. or him.

or maybe it was us.

and maybe there was nothing i could have done about it anyway.

which only makes it suck even more.

- if it didn't hurt, they wouldn't call it a crush.

btw, if you know WHO i'm talking about. PLEASE don't say who it is.

07 september 2005

2005-09-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

alright this is it. i've had my blogskin-creating therapy.

i'm not kidding; studying econs is enough to kill. fortunately, and thanks to several individuals who shall remain unnamed for privacy purposes (HAHAHA) i'm still alive. barely.

about your phone. i completely sympathise with you my dear. i know how annoying it is to want to call someone and reach out to pick your phone up and think "hey. where's it gone!" and suddenly come to the sinking realisation you don't have it or it doesn't work.

we depend too much on technology. sad truth.

and about your exam. tsk dan. but knowing you, you'll still do well. provided it's not that awful fellow. what was his name now? (i know it, but i don't want to get sued.)

in response to a now non-existent comment (you know who you areeee!)

no i am not losing weight. and that is another sad truth.

p.s: PLEASE TAG!

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!

2005-09-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

06 september; 2005.

yes okei i do get it, cos sometimes i feel that way too. about the lurrrve thinger.

[pish, i feel weird spewing all these things out cos my friends dont really come here, not that i KNOW of, but you never know. its mostly your friends i think, and now they know what a weird bestie you have HAHAHA gee.]

hey i bet you did lose weight, i have never seen anybody go through the a's and NOT lose weight, tis' impossible. ganbatte lizzie!

my hp conked conkie conked. aw man i feel so unconnectable. i heart my phone. NOW i know how you feel having hp restrictions. ;_;

PS: YES pleease change whatever you dont like on this blog, add a tag board or whatever, as long as its not some blinding shiny psychedelic template. which i know you wont put, having better taste than THAT. my exam is in 1 day and im not studying. WHOOO so dead.

dan <3

2005-09-06T10:40:00.000+08:00

06 september; 2005.

HELLO what's with this spotty template??!! do i have permission to change it? BTW we have a few requests for a comment link. what say youuuu, partner? xD

yeahh i noticed. i also tagged back jacking dork. whoever she / he is. monkey brain. heheh. -grins.

alright to clarify what i meant by that random comment i made lemme say that it doesn't mean i really NEED to be in love. i just want to be in love. not even for the nice happy happy feeling, but for that going crazy kinda feeling.

it's weird cos when you're in that stage you absolutely haaaate it. but when you're not, you want to be in it cos sometimes feeling crazy is better than feeling nothing at all.

and now i think i've lost you again. LOL.

and i don't know how writing for 6 hours will help me lose weight. but thanks, dan. for trying to console me. HAHAHA.

anw for our many readers (HAHAHAHAHAH); i'm ok now. trying to keep sane and hold my head above water at the moment.

and i'm glad people read this. HELLOOOO to you all.

another random post. hooraaaay.

lizzy <3

okei im here.

2005-09-05T14:21:00.000+08:00

05 september; 2005.

my own blog is under seige by unwanted comments and annoying kantangs. boy oh boy do i feel like pummeling some bolster. ah whatever i dont make sense.

LIZZIE what do u mean by u need to be in LOVE?!

explain prease.

and about writing non stop for 6 hours for your paper, at least your fingers would have gotten some exercise and they will be fit and healthy and then you can stop complaining about gaining fat/being fat or whatever haha.

i do get you when you said you feel hurt by comments people you love make, though they might be unwanted or otherwise, and its true that it's precisely because you allow these people into your life and accept their friendship and everything else that comes with it, that their comments might hurt. for me, im a bit ashamed to say that i accept their rude criticisms sometimes without expressing my dissatisfaction with it, yes, i am weak that way.

sigh.

dan <3

2005-09-01T19:53:00.000+08:00

01 september; 2005.

i need to be in love.

hahahahahahaha.

ok so i'm a retard. blame history.

2005-08-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

30 august; 2005.

i'm exhausted. it does hurt to write pretty much for 6 hours straight. my hand. my hand! MY HAND!!! -groans.

okay so the prelims are upon me. you. us. whatever. and it feels like i have much too long to wait for this year to be over.

actually i wanted to blog about something that annoyed / upset / frustrated me yday. oooh wait. DAN!!! I GOT THE FIRST CORRINNE MAY ALBUM!! xD and yes i'll lend both albums to you when we meet up. :)))

yes so i got the album thanks to jonaaaas. who i know reads this blog. ;)

the point is, i was all excited abt it and everything so i walk down to e caf t show my classmates and all they can give me are insults. i'm not kidding. it went from "she sings like you!!" (they think my voice sucks. okaaaay.) to "she's lying on the piano. very promising."

and i suppose i might just be overreacting but i had to say this cos time and again it's pissing me off. the insults i mean. it's like, hello. i don't insult your taste in music, nor do i make fun of the way you cannot sing in tune or whatever. can't you have the decency to respect my taste in music?

don't get me wrong. i love my class well enough. but i still hate it when all they can say is something to put you down.

i should stop caring about what people think of me. but like i told... someone before, you only get really pissed off at people whom you love enough for it to matter to you. do you get what i mean?

ok clarification then. if you really love someone, you expect more of the person. (sad, but true.) so when you expect more of the person and they let you down, you feel more hurt or angry or whatever than if they didn't matter to you.

so what i'm saying to my class is not simply "please stop insulting me; it happens to hurt" what i'm saying is, "you're disappointing me"

perhaps i should lower my expectations, then everyone will be happy, huhh.

ok enough about me.

dan!! will you stop saying you suck at doing camera work.

as someone keeps telling me, you start from scratch, and you get better. or as he said, you start from scrap. LOL. :))

anw thanks dan, for being around.

LOVE YA!

-hugs for you, and me, and all ~~of the~~ other people.
xD

sdlkfghuldfjgh

2005-08-26T13:26:00.000+08:00

26 august; 2005.

LIZZIE!!!

again, i cannot do camera work, i jst did it for another group, well audio actually and it was kinda screwed up. I HATE MYSELF HAHAHAHAHAA.

HUGS JOOO

what happened>> are your prelims fine? i know it may seem sucky of me to say this but take a step back and look ahead intead, i mean, beyond your a levels and all.

dan

yey.

2005-08-24T09:41:00.000+08:00

24 august; 2005.

it's hard thinking about being the worst student in class, and quite possibly the worst history student in the cohort.

where have i gone wrong?

and why is it hard to believe things will get better?

i shouldn't give up now, it'd be too pointless. but there's a part of me that feels like it's impossible to move on either.

2005-08-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

20 august; 2005.

i still can't figure out how to sign in individually so our own names appear at the end of each entry.

i suppose it doesn't really matter, though, cos as that song goes; all for one, one for all.

okay out of point. ahaha sorryyy.

it's been an exhausting week, and not just cos of studying (or lack of it.) i can't really blog about it right now; perhaps another day when it'll be less traumatic.

hehh.

and dan. i'm glad you've finished it! :))) and hey it wasn't a big disaster was it? SEE!!!

you ought to trust me more. LOL.

oh boy. a week to prelims. i can't wait for this year to be over. i want my life back.

i keep saying the same thing over and over again, don't i.

here's to you, and me, and all other people, who bother to look at our ramblings.

and -a biggggg HUGGGG- for someone who's made my world a better place. you have no idea how much i appreciate you, dan.

xD

LIZZIE!

2005-08-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

19 august; 2005.

*cackles

i just finished my major projects, like the stewpid statistics one and the majorly screwy multi camera recording i was telling you about?

yeah today was bad. i was the technical director, who well, to put it simply pushes the buttons to change the camera scenes you see on the television screen. urgh. and knowing me, slow reaction time and all, yeah that can be a lil' baaad for my team mates. try major bad screwup. sigh. it doesn't sound hard? and i suppose it isn't all that i have made it up to be, but some things are just harder for me to do.

i can't stand it -_-".

2005-08-16T11:12:00.000+08:00

16 august; 2005.

it feels weird to go back to public blogging. and it's funny cos i think that in some ways i've matured as a blogger. guess i've gotten so used to talking about very personal stuff that this public blogging thing is, in one way or another, superficial.

ok la, i don't mean to say anyone who has a public blog is superficial. i mean it's just me.

and i apologise in advance.

at any rate, DAN! :))) thanks for setting this up; it's nice to know we have another outlet, so, as you put it, we don't have to keep asking each other how our day went. or week. or whatever.

feels good! xD

excuse the randomness. but with eleven days to the big P-R-E-L-I-M-S, i'm getting a little off my rocker. i want this year to be over.

but you've heard this all before. i would do a count-down to prelims if i wasn't worried half my classmates would hang me, like fanny the poor dog, from a tree, till i'm almost at my "last breath".

as you can see, i've been reading wuthering heights again.

catherine earnshaw is a piece of. rubbish. ahaha sorry but it's true.

time for ms k's lesson. chao! :))

p.s: due to the threat of suspension a coupla weeks before a set of major exams, i shall refrain from swearing at anyone in particular. i am, however, stressed.

SO.

aoidgfiadtiyadfhcuidytihndofchisroayrajfjifj. i mean,
SFOHAEITAEYVFIAHIVYSDOCJAFHIVNRIHIFHODSHFI!!!!!!!!!!!

with truckloads of love,
lizzy. xD

GEE

2005-08-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

14 august; 2005.

HAH LIZZY WE OFFICIALLY HAVE A BLOG.